北京最流行的笑話上班剛一周,剛穿上警服的小五決定犒勞自己,到劇院看電影。                                                                                                                                                               買票的隊伍排得長長的,小五舒口氣,排到最後。                                                                                                                                                                           「新警察吧?」旁邊一個人問。                                                                                                                                                                                           小五納悶︰「你咋知道?」                                                                                                                                                                                                「咳,老警察哪有排隊買票的。」                                                                                                                                                                                         「哦。」小五明白了,直接走到售票口前,遞上錢說︰「我買一張票。」                                                                                                                                                        「新警察吧?」窗口裡的人笑了。                                                                                                                                                                                         「你咋知道?」                                                                                                                                                                                                         「老警察哪有掏錢買票的,你直接進吧,沒人敢攔。」                                                                                                                                                                       「哦。」小五又長了見識,一試,果然沒人攔。                                                                                                                                                                             進了劇場,小五到樓下隨便找了個位子坐下。                                                                                                                                                                               屁股還沒坐穩,旁邊就有人問︰「新警察吧?」                                                                                                                                                                              真是奇了怪了,小五心裡疑惑,嘴上還硬︰「誰說的!」                                                                                                                                                                      「人家老警察都在樓上看電影,樓下的都是你這樣的新警察。」                                                                                                                                                               小五到樓上一看,可不是嗎,這兒有不少警察呢。                                                               票貼                                                                                                            小五挑了個位子坐下,沒多久,電影就開了。                                                                                                                                                                               旁邊的一個警察扭頭看了他一眼,冷冷的說︰「新警察吧?」                                                                                                                                                                  「你咋能看出我是新警?」                                                                                                                                                                                               「老警察哪有你那樣規規矩矩坐著看電影的,得像我這樣。」                                                                                                                                                                 小五學著老警察,把兩只腳翹起來,架在前排人的脖子上,                                                                                                                                                                   果然舒服了許多,找到些當警察的感覺。                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               電影演了一半,小五有些內急,便往衛生間趕。                                                                                                                                                                             在衛生間門口,被一個工作人員攔住了︰「新警察吧?」                                                                                                                                                                      小五還是納悶︰「我腦門上又沒寫字,你咋知道?」                                                                                                                                                                          「哪有警察還到這兒,人家都是從樓上往樓下尿,你一看就是新警察。」                                                                                                                                                       小五好慚愧,自己差點給警察丟了人。                                                                                                                                                                                     他站到二樓邊上,朝著樓下滋出一股來…                                                                                                                                                                                    「嗨,樓上尿尿的是新警察吧?」樓下突然有人大聲喊。                                                                                                                                                                     「……」小五探著身子往下看。                                                                                 票貼                                                                                                            「看啥看,人家老警察一尿就是一片,哪像你這個新警察,就往我一個人頭上澆!」                                                                                                                                             小五滿臉通紅,他趕緊把拉鏈拉上,轉身隨便坐到一個座位上。                                                                                                                                                               「新來的吧?」旁邊一個哥們說道。                                                                                                                                                                                       「.............. 」                                                                                                                                                                                                    「老警察撒完尿之後哪有趕緊拉拉鏈的,還要把那個傢伙露透透氣,嚇小妞啊。」                                                                                                                                               小五心情鬱悶,在馬路上找了個小姐想溫存一番。                                                                                                                                                                           一番摸索之後,小姐問道︰「新警察吧?」                                                                                                                                                                                  小五聽的有點頭暈:「怎麼啦?」                                                                                                                                                                                         「老警察哪有這樣有禮貌的,都是霸王硬上弓的。」                                                                                                                                                                         給小姐上完弓之後,小五決定再不給人民警察丟人了,                                                                                                                                                                       小姐費也不付,吧台費也不結,大搖大擺的往出走。                                                                                                                                                                         老板扭頭看了看他說︰「新警察吧?」                                                                                                                                                                                      小五徹底快崩潰了,掐住老板的脖子問︰「怎麼這樣你都能看出來?」                                                                                                                                                          老板︰「人家老警察不但白玩,走的時候還要收保護費呢!」                                                                                                                                                                  小五心想︰靠!!新警察也是警察呀!於是對著老板說︰「把保護費給我!!!」                                     二胎                                                                                                            老板說︰「新警察吧?」                                                                                                                                                                                                  小五︰「……?」                                                                                                                                                                                                          老板︰「人家老警察都是叫我們送費上門,哪有親自來收的?」                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            小五受到歌廳老板的羞辱,決定拿出警察的威嚴,給老板一點難堪。                                                                                                                                                            聽著隔壁傳來的淫聲浪語,小五一腳踢開緊閉的門,                                                                                                                                                                         對裡面一對赤身的男女厲聲喝道︰「都別動,我是警察!」                                                                                                                                                                    女的懶洋洋地坐起,摟著那男人斜著眼對小五說︰「新警察吧?」                                                                                                                                                              男人也說︰「他是新警察。」                                                                                                                                                                                              小五又厲聲問這對狗男女︰「你們怎麼知道我是新警察?」                                                                                                                                                                    女人嘴一撇指著身邊的男人道︰「哪有老警察不認識他們局長的?」                                                                                                                                                            小五一聽是局長扭頭就跑,出門就撞一個人懷裡,                                                                                                                                                                           一看是個衣冠楚楚的先生,連忙道歉。                                                                                                                                                                                     那人一笑:「新警察吧?」                                                                                                                                                                                               小五快炸了:「你也知道?」                                                                                 西裝                                                                                                            「我是這裡的經理,警察沒一個不認識我的。」                                                                                                             


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